Sex:WhatAboutIt.com

Sex is to be enjoyed and respectful within specific boundaries for healthy sexual relationships. One of those boundaries is to have it within the bounds of marriage so that it is respected as a bond and a blessing in the relationship.

When sex is enjoyed outside of marriage, there is an air of mistrust and insecurity, not knowing when they will make a mistake or no longer be admirable and cause the mate to leave. This is not the environment for true love and happiness to exist…not ever knowing when it will end, and always waiting for “the other shoe to drop” so to speak.

Sexual pleasure is best experienced within proper bounds of marriage that adds value to a relationship and increases love and satisfaction in their marital roles. Marriage will not guarantee that the sex will be sensual all the time or that it will satisfy lust, that’s not the purpose of sex within marriage; sensuality and lust are just counterfeit expressions of love and not long lasting.

When sex is experienced outside of marriage, it creates a barrier between spouses that their fidelity can be trusted and that they can be faithful to the marriage; in other words, that they will not stray outside of marriage to satisfy lust and sensuality.

Couples that live with the knowledge their relationship can end at any time because their mate finds someone else more interesting, as was the case in their relationships outside of marriage, carries the same sort of thinking into their marriage as well. When the first life storm comes along, they fight and lose their sexual drive. They interpret that problem with not being sexually attractive anymore and start looking outside of marriage to satisfy their lust and and lack of sensuality in their marriage. Indeed, it isn’t long before the marriage ends.

This is a sad state for marriage and completely unnecessary. If a man and woman learn to cling to each other when weathering a life storm and rely on each other for comfort, the need to look outside of marriage is eliminated. There is nothing more powerful than drawing closer in love and companionship through a crisis, nothing more pure and blessed than the comfort of your spouse , and nothing more satisfying than knowing you have a friend in your mate with whom you can share fears and dreams.

Building a legacy together is something that cannot be counterfeited by relationships outside of marriage. Often you will see people try to mimic a relationship that married couples share by buying a house or building a business together; an exercise that will eventually end in bitterness.  Granted, the same can be said about marriages that are not nurtured properly or strengthened through sacrifices and service to their union.  Either way, the relationship is not one that will be long lasting because it was not be nourished with the elements that make it healthy.

My advice is to live a life that is not in contradiction to the type of marriage you want to have when you find the right person. Live your life within standards that you set for yourself and be committed to those standards, no matter what everyone else is doing. You are NOT like everyone else. You are an individual who respects your sexuality and you want to marry someone with these same standards. Without living by these standards, how can you expect to marry someone who has the same standards as you? A couple will have conflict in their relationship when their standards are in contradiction of each other.

However, if you were never taught how to live a lifestyle that respects your sexuality, then you will likely not understand these principles. It is for this reason that I write these blogs. My goal is to help couples understand these principles so they can prevent making the mistakes that many of their peers make or so they can make a new commitment to live their lives differently, such as my friend Vanessa discovered.

One time I was discussing with Vanessa the fact that my husband and I were celibate before marriage, and that totally shocked her. She was thirty-two years old and had been living with her boyfriend for two years with no expectation of marriage in the future. In her amazement as to why my husband and I chose to wait until marriage for sex, so made the statement that “Perhaps I will wait for marriage too when I start a new relationship.”  This statement may not be her exact words but close enough to catch her meaning.  Sure enough, a year after I changed jobs, I received notification that she married.

You don’t have to take my advice, do as you see fit, but at least consider the message and apply what you feel applies to you. I want you to be happy and to grow old without having too many regrets. There is a reason for accepting Christian values that espouse sex within the bounds of marriage. You may not see it as a sin when you engage in premarital sex, but perhaps I have put a different spin on this concept in a way that you can accept it without feeling the sting of guilt from sin.

Perhaps you will view sex in a different light that changes your current relationship. If you see sex differently within your relationship, married or not, then perhaps you will live a more blessed life and have a more lasting relationship. I hope so.

Please leave a comment, I would love to hear from you on this subject and hear about your story.